Managing My Existence

Each of us is appointed by God as manager and steward of our own life and of the environment we live in. Even if we opt to be more of a follower than a leader, we are still responsible for ourself, our future.

Human life is like a business establishment that you have to protect and nurture. Every transaction that you make has a corresponding value and outcome in your growth as an individual. If you are negligent, lazy and careless then you are bound to fail. If you persevere and work hard, you may likely succeed.

In the first month of my self-probation program, I realized that everything has its own worth. If you value your career, your soul, your body and your relationships, then you cannot afford to take things for granted or entrust your success in the hands of another, much more a stranger.

In my 32 years of human existence, I grew up pampered with nanny and housekeeper to clean up my mess, cook and obey my insignificant commands. I was never really compelled to work or learn some of the household chores. My family is not well endowed but my father ensured to provide us with all our needs and make our life comfortable. Without proper training and experience, i grew up ignorant of my own responsibilities. I didnt know how to fold a blanket so when i took up nursing, it was a nightmare for me to wake up early on my own, keep things neat and cope up with the requirements. In other words, i failed. Well,i failed partly because i joined a fraternity which took a lot of my time and attention. Most importantly, I failed because of lack of motivation.

Even at my age, i often find myself depleted with inner drive and inspiration. I cannot decipher the logic of work especially when i am alone. Sometimes motivation becomes so rare that it feels like an oasis in a desert once i feel it in my veins.

With nowhere to go and no one to help me, I prayed. I realized it is in my prayers that i encountered the virtues and the motivation that i longed for. That there is only one source of all goodness and that is God. He is the richest and most powerful in every existent universe. All you need can be obtained from His grace. Only when you receive His grace. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things will be given to you." It's as simple as that. There's no room in heaven for idlers and lazy bums. Besides, it is for your own welfare. Why settle for silver when you can have gold?

Stuck

There are so many things i want to do and a lot of things need to be done. I am pressured. The performance audit is seven days ahead and i have not browsed on my files yet.

During the long weekend, instead of working on my report, I just sat back watching tv and spending time outdoors bonding with my old friends and relatives. God please help me i am tensed. I am anxious and its getting on my nerves. I planned on saying a lot of prayers, hoping to be blessed with my supplications. Yet i found myself tinkering with my Galaxy. Yes! i now have a smartphone, a Samsung Galaxy. Its amazing. But my bills are amazingly soaring high too. It seems I am being stuck on a plateau. I am again becoming stagnant, curling in my stinky shell, missing out on life.

I dont want to fail again. I dont want to be stuck. It is selfish to hide when you can bring sunshine into other people's lives. I want to pass the audit and aim for excellence. My cellphone is not my life. I have a life to take care and manage. One person from catholic match said that becoming the best person you can be is one way of giving honor to God.

Ok I will do it. I am getting out of my box.

Life is Difficult

Life is beautiful but it is no bed of roses.  It does not guarantee a lifetime of happiness.  Life will not be complete without a spice of adversities-adversities that range and stem from minor setbacks, hardships, onerous tasks, lack of resources to a number of unfortunate events. 

Life is beautiful but as in Therapeutic Community, "There's no free lunch."  or "Life is what you make it." You simply have to toil, lift a finger, exert an effort, make some contributions.  Some people are kind and generous but if you long for success, you just cant sit back and watch the events to unfold.  If you are one Lazy Juan who just sits under a tree and waits for the fruit to fall, then you may just spend a lifetime with barely a number of edible fruit to survive.   You miss a lot of great opportunities.  You miss to capture beauty and happiness.  

Life evolves and there are competitions.  You may just be unaware but you are competing even with the bats in the air or the ants hidden somewhere. In the movie "The Lost and Found Family, Ellen Bry in her role as Esther said that our life is like a currency that is either spent wisely or wasted away.  Distractions coupled by a lack of discipline can impede your development so you have to spend your time wisely. 

Life is tiring, isn't it? Bombarded with endless tasks from waking up early, preparing for breakfast, getting ready for work, accomplishing tasks amidst environmental distractions, taking care of your self, your family, balancing your finances as well as your time...... a person's life is just so busy ticking every minute. 

So why do you just accept the reality that life is difficult?  You can turn the coin upside down and get a better result.  When you are penniless, remember too that you have assets - your skills, your senses, your body, your intellect.  You are the captain of your life, the master of your emotions and God appointed you to be a steward of His creation.  So the world is yours too.  It is up to you on how to make yourself a significant part of it.

Life is difficult but the burdens are nothing compared to the joy that you get from experiences.  Joys in overcoming obstacles and reaping the fruit of your labor.  Joy in sharing a comfortable life with your love ones.  Indeed, life is difficult but its complexities only make life worth living. 

Reach

Without determination and focus, you will never achieve anything.  Now that you have set your goal, believe you can achieve it.  Set your heart and mind to fulfill it.  Aim for nothing else but your dream.  Look towards your goal and never falter along the way.  Instead, have faith in God's protection and His blessings.  Just focus.. forget the sidetrips.... avoid the temptations.  In a blink of an eye, the pot of gold will be in your hands and all the effort will be worth it. 

Movies

I watched two movies this weekend.  One was "The Lost and Found Family" and the Joneses.  The first one was a really inspiring movie.  I liked it so much that i downloaded it.  Hmm. I refuse to give a review since I have to make my reports now.  Watch it and you wont regret.

Teenage Pregnancy

Second to drug addiction, early pregnancy is the epidemic among the teens in the Filipino society nowadays.  Yes, the number of young girls getting pregnant between 16-21 years old is increasing each year and abortion is becoming a bold option among those with poor spiritual and moral background. 

When i was in my teenage years, there were many temptations, occasions and opportunities to give way to sexual pleasure but what held me back to indulge in pms with my bf then was my great fear of getting pregnant before graduation in college.  Part of me really told me it was spiritually wrong and guilt feelings usually emerged especially when i remembered how my father struggled to raise us three children as a single parent.  No matter how I loved my bf then,  I did not have the courage to ignore those realities.  I also never wanted to be blamed.  Not just blamed but repeatedly blamed for your mistake.   As the eldest among 42 grandchildren and the eldest among two brothers,  i likewise wanted to set a good example.  I did not want the younger generation to follow the footsteps of some of our aunts and take me as a bad model.  Yet, the cousin next to me by age was the first one to become a single mother.  She is now married but she did not pursue her college education. 

Now, two more cousins are pregnant, although the other one is already old enough.  The younger one is so eager to marry and so in love.  Today, she expressed ambivalent feelings towards marriage and cried, as it dawned on her and realized how well her parents raised her and helped to send her to college.

I cannot help feeling disappointed but my heart goes to her and i support her decision whether she will say I Do sooner or later. 

Dimple

Cousins Dimple & Chubby.

Taken at our garage two years ago

My aunt and cousin Dimple came for brunch this morning to discuss about the issue of marriage over  Dimple's early or unwanted pregnancy. As a psychology graduate,  the pressure is on me to give counsel on family members' predicaments.  I never gave Dimple my opinion or expressed my biases over the issue. As a counselor, you can only ask guiding questions to help a person decide on what is right in a dire situation.  As a Catholic, i feel guilty.  As an individual, i feel agitated that i cannot comment, because if i do, i will be responsible if the person heeds your advice. 

Its a pity that she lost her youth at 23. She is pretty, sexy, a promising nurse and we never really expected her to be in this dilemma. Although her fiance is crazy about her and is so eager to marry so soon, sometimes I cannot help but think he planned this to secure Dimple.    I think she is too young to marry and she looks so uncertain, so anxious and unprepared to enter the complex world of marriage. Anyhow, it's her decision to make and i played my part to pave the way for her choices.

Oh God please guide her. I hope i havent said anything that will lead her to the wrong path.

I Did It Again

Pork Menudo - Sliced pork with potatoes, carrots and bell pepper in tomato sauce.

I cooked another dish again! The second real dish i made in my entire life.  Well, I really didnt cook it at first and i did not have any intention to cook today.  When I peeped in the kitchen this morning, our helper boiled some pork and told me she would cook the pork in tomato sauce.  I noticed that she didnt boil the potatoes and carrots so i butted in.  I seasoned the dish with my secret ingredient and voila! Im a Chef!  If Papa was here, he would have been happy and he would be willing to teach me more.  Who would have thought i could cook?

Asthma

 Im barking.

Lying Awake

I cant breathe
I cant sleep
Even if i count the sheep

When you wake
Keep the faith
Life is not a dream

ATTENTION!!!

NO ZOMBIES TODAY

First Fall

I wonder how many falls i have to make before i can completely accomplish my goals.  Okay so i failed.  The reason why i missed to write a new post the past days was my failure to meet my daily schedules.  I was just bothered by a lot of things, especially my finances.  My smart got redirected and soon to be disconnected.  My loan was not released yet.  I was worried if I could still pursue my plan to get an Iphone.  Then I got caught with a flu.  My allergic rhinitis struck me and i ran out of Apple Cider Vinegar.   I had to wake Ng Lucila, our office clerk to borrow her bottle of ACV. 

How i missed Papa so much!  Whenever i was afflicted with asthma or rhinitis,  he knew the kind of care i needed.  He would cook for me a hot soup, compel me to take my meds and remind me to avoid cold water and soy sauce, even chocolate. Though it was painful to gasp for air to breathe, the pain was bearable because he was always there, for me and my brothers.  Ah, i couldnt cry anymore.  My rhinitis became more painful each time i cried.

I guess God had one purpose for me in my father's demise.  He wantedi me to be strong and independent.  I became so dependent  on him in almost everything and i strayed from my relationship with God as my life was so comfortable.  For the same reason, i also lost Donald.  When you give too much of yourself on something or someone, it would not be long when it would be taken away from you provided that you maintain your relationship with the Lord. 

God is a jealous God and too much of everything can lead to idolatry.  From now on, i will forget about men.  I will develop a prayer habit and start from there.  Can tall trees really bend?


http://cid-9e51537c93caa1f1.calendar.live.com/calendar/Katherine's+calendar/index.html

Singled Out

As i grow older, social pressure on the issue of marriage is becoming more intense.  I am still single at 32 and yes i want to get married but i am likewise open to the possibility of single blessedness.  In my age group, people either have 3 children or hurrying to get into the church line for their wedding bells.  I too, sometimes feel that I should race against time and make my last-minute male shopping before my biological clock stops ticking.  However, after several bumps on the road with a few men taking advantage of my predicament, I am finally discerning, why should I let society take control of my future? Marriage is something what we are expected to achieve in order to fulfill the law of nature, but it is definitely not the only matter that is essential in life. 

Last weekend, I attended my cousin's engagement party.  It seemed that two more marriages or wedding ceremonies would be taking place in the clan this year after my brother's wedding last June.  My aunts were fussing me on when I would be getting married, being the eldest among the 42 grandchildren.  They even joked on having me on a raffle draw and that if the awaited day would come, they would give their all-out support and greatly thank the guy for marrying me out. 

On Facebook, my cousin Thersa made a bet with her brother-in-law that she would not be an old maid and that within two years, she would settle down in marriage. 

I remember how I felt so pressured and scared that I would become a spinster.   Out of desperation, i plunged into chat and met a variety of men.  I fell in love with a few and ended up with a collection of broken heart pieces.  The search was definitely not worth it. 

A few years ago, during a reunion with the Pomar clan in Mabinay,  i asked my good-looking uncle why he remained a bachelor at the age of 40.  His response was, "Marriage is a choice." I understood that if he wanted to get married, he could, but took his time to find the right person of his choice. 

Marriage is a vocation.  It is not about time, popularity or status quo.  It is how you will live your life with another person without the prospect of separation.   It is not about shopping for a shirt and throwing it away when you no longer find it attractive or useful.

It is not that I do not want to marry.  I just dont want to be in a haste and end up with regrets.  I believe God has prepared something or someone for me.  What is important now is to constantly live my life in a manner that is acceptable to God.  When you become the best person that you can be, the right man will come at a right time.

Thank You Lord

Baby Steps of Change

I finally made a few steps forward in my quest for change.  This was not about a 360 degree make over but just a revert to my usual ways which i have abandoned when i was stung by the bees of death and heartaches.

I am thankful for the new windows live website.  It is more like Facebook but better because of its calendar features and none of my friends are added yet so i enjoy the privacy.  I think Facebook just turned into a universal mirror that exposes your life to public scrutiny and become a source of gossip to the whos and whats of your social circle. 

Today, i woke up early and accomplished what i have entered on my calendar.  I started my day at 430AM from the usual 7AM regimen.  I prayed, exercised, had breakfast and left at 730 from the house.  Usually when i go on field work, I used to drag myself to the bus terminal at 9 or 10 am and would arrive at my destination during lunchtime.  Well, today, i left at 730 but arrived at 930, which was still manageable and i completed three field investigations. 

Hmmm.   i hope this marks a fresh start and not just a fever for a sudden change of good behavior.  Oh, another great accomplishment i made was i had the courage to breakup with the recent pakistani who pretended to be an englishman.  I am Freee!!!!!!  God really worked wonders in my life lately.  Thank you Lord.